I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
