wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
