The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
