thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
