is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Panties = found
Randomize
