remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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