First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
