You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
