i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
