Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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