Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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