Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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