Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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