So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
