You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
