Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So much Jack, so little girl.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
