dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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