I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
