I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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