so explain again why im purple
no
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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