I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
