i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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