Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
