Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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