I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
