You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
