Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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