My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
