you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
