if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
