Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
