I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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