so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
