Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
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