so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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