Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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