we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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