we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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