I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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