even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
