Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
