In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
