i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
