We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
