I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
