tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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