thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
