i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
