New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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