He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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