I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
